Tuesday, March 30, 2010

"As I've said for years, condoms are a hell of a lot cheaper then kids."

As I age my views shift, my beliefs solidify and I seem to be moving more towards the conservative side of the isle, not the Republican side, just conservative. I may have to write a post on it, but anyway.

I was arguing with a friend on Facebook, a masturbatory exercise I know but I couldn't help it. She was upset that she had been turned down for Medicaid, despite being pregnant, because she makes too much money.


You make too much money, your husband can get insurance, sure it sucks but that's life. I'm not against people getting help when they needs it, but as I've always said condoms are a hell of a lot cheaper then kids. In fact any birth control up to and including a full hysterectomy is cheaper then a kid. If you do not have insurance, and if you do not have the financial means to raise a kid, do not get pregnant.

It was made even more frustrating because she knew she did not have insurance and got pregnant anyway. Just upsetting. I see far too much of this behavior, why the hell should I, and my taxes, pay for your bad decision? You chose to get pregnant, you should have to live with the consequences of that decision. Is it elitist of me? If I was poor would I have a different view of the situation? Maybe, I don't know, all I know is how I feel.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Family Dinner

I've been sitting on the link below for a long time, and I think it's finally time that I talk about it, and what I'm thinking about my family.


The article itself has nothing to do with my family, in any sense of the word. Yet there is one line that stuck with me: "A family may not enjoy the presence of a particular member but he is still invited to the table for dinner at the end of the day."

I train with a lot of people, I have a Judo family, and there are members of that family I simply cannot stand, yet at the end of the day they are family, they have put in the sweat, the time, the energy, taken the falls, and been there offering me a hand up when I took my falls. I may dislike them as a person, but as a family member I'd stand shoulder to shoulder with them. I am able to distance them as a person, and their behavior from the simple fact that they are family.

I have a biological family, and in a way the biological family is, if anything, more prone to issues, more prone to fracturing yet there should be a stronger tie between the members. Yet I've found that work binds closer then any blood, any relation. I respect and love the people I sweat with, the people I fight with, next-to, and against more then most of the people I have a blood relationship to but at the end of the day they are still welcome at my table. I do not like my father, I love him, he is my father, but I do not like him. He and I have a very strained relationship, we play nice, and we get along for short periods but on most things we do not agree, however my father is welcome at my table. Any of my family, irregardless of whether I like them or not are welcome at my table. That, and that alone is family.

I just wish more of my family felt the same way.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Fear and Judo

I once heard a man say that you have to face the little fears, for if you chicken out on the little things you'll be more likely to chicken out on the big things.

I'm paraphrasing, obviously.

I haven't competed in over a year. I've avoided any tournament that came my way, from friendly inter-club tournaments to regional fights, to Am-Can, the American and Canadian open. I've had excuses, some of them valid, most times I just kept my mouth shut.

Truth be told I stayed home because I was scared. I was scared if I stepped on the mat and failed again that I wouldn't have the heart to get back up and keep training. I did not think my self confidence could take another last place bronze "medal" so I just didn't fight.

I'm sick of being scared. I'm sick of saying no. I'm strong, I'm big, and I'll just have to see what happens. But win, loose, or draw I'm going to fight.

I made myself a promise as part of my New Years resolution, and that was to fight again and to fight in something bigger then my inter-club tournament. I joked with myself that I'd have to grab the last two tournaments of the year, how last minute panic would force me on the mat. I felt ashamed of myself, I almost took the resolution off the list.

It's still there.

I'm fighting and it's not the second to last tournament of the year. Let's see what happens.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Diet Update

I've been dieting for weeks, I could go back and look up exactly how long but truth be told it doesn't really matter. I'm down 15 lbs, nearly 5% of my body weight and I feel really good. I still have a lot of weight to loose but this is the longest I've kept a diet going in years. It's not a complicated diet, I'm eating right and exercising a ton.

I stopped weightlifting a few weeks ago. I sat down and thought about what I was doing, and what I was trying to achieve. My first goal was weight loss, strength was a secondary goal and to a large extent could be accomplished with the activity I was already doing. Judo was helping me maintain my current strength and the heavy weightlifting combined with the Judo classes were causing no small amount of soreness and pain, especially in my knees.

I've stopped lifting for the moment, once I'm at a weight I'm comfortable with I'll begin to add back in the weight training.