I wish I could say I was tired, wish I had some excuse, some reason, for the mood I'm in. But I don't. It's a lot of little things all bubbling to the surface at the same time.
I've wanted to write about a lot of things but I stop myself as I'm not sure they are things I necessarily want out on the net but tonight I genuinely don't care.
It's coming home to the same clutter, night after night, knowing that even if I devote a day to cleaning within a matter of days it simply won't matter. It's picking up blankets off the floor day after day, picking up to-go bags and dirty dishes, picking up the piles of fur, and paper bits, and refuse that collects in the corners.
It's coming home after Judo to find the Missus sick, again.
It's the never ending shopping list, power bills, credit card bills, loan payments, rent and the looming threat of school loans all threatening to bury me under an avalanche of debt.
It's the vet bills, the cost of food, and litter and the simple, laughable, fact that the cats eat better then we do.
It's wanting to come home and hide after a shitty day at work, or the desire to sit in front of a computer and make little digital monsters die and when I do it, getting yelled at.
It's getting told to wait, always wait.
It's the simple daily grind that I know is going to be every day for the rest of my life.
And the hits just keep on comin'.....
4 weeks ago