Saturday, August 22, 2009

It's 2am, and I just can't sleep.

I've always dealt with depression. I know I've mentioned it here before. I know I've always dealt with it, in some good ways, and in some bad. Tonight's not a good night. I haven't had a truly bad night in a long while but tonight, tonight is bad. I'm worrying myself sick over things I can't change. Either the money will be there, or it won't. Either the wedding bills will get paid, or they won't. I know worrying myself sick over it won't change a thing, but it's still 2am and I still can't sleep.

I took a risk, I've taken more risks in recent memory then I have in all my 22.5 preceding years. All that risk is starting to take a toll on my spirit. I'm tired, sick of fighting to keep the bills paid and tired of worrying that I might not make it this month.

I know I'll keep plodding, but it really hurts to know that this is all I have to look forward to. Debt, and the ever present worry that maybe I took one risk too many and I'm not going to make it.

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