Friday, September 24, 2010

All's Quiet

I've always taken to writing as a way to make sense of things, a sounding board if you will. When life makes no sense, I write more, when life makes sense I write less.

While I can't say life makes any more sense now then it did a month or two ago I've certainly been busy, and with being busy comes a certain narrowing of focus, blinders if you will. I've had to walk away from quite a few things in recent weeks, all in the name of keeping the bills paid and the lights on. I've given up Judo, and with that most exercise. I've given up weekends and evenings to car repair and side projects, all in the hope that I can keep the bank balance above 0. I fear it's a false hope, but I still try.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about the situation I'm in, the situation all too many people are in. Simply put, why is it so hard to simply live? Why is it so hard to simply stay on the level? I'm not looking to prosper, I'm not looking to move up in the world, I'm simply looking for stability. However I fear that stability is a myth, it's a line that's sold to kids in college, the thought that if you do everything right then you'll be ok.

It's just hard to have made it to the good job, the degree, the house, the wife, the white picket fence, and to be absolutely broke. It's heart breaking. It really makes you question your decisions, question your choices, and at the end of the day it's a terribly sad state of affairs when you simply can't live your life even though everyone says you should be able to.

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