Thursday, December 22, 2011

A Long Way Down

It's been... hectic.

I find it funny. I know in the past I've turned to writing as a catharsis, a way to keep my head on straight. After a piece I found that I needed something more physical. I moved on to Judo, BJJ, and lately SAMBO as a way of staying loose, of keeping the anger at bay.

Why am I angry? Lately at least it's been hectic. It's been a new job, or two, it's been a move, or two, it's been plane rides, or six. It's been sitting on the other side of the country from my wife. It's been work, and stress, and a lack of sleep, and a terrible diet. It's been a lack of focus, and drive.

It's hard to stay focused when you're sad. I've been sad. I've spent nights picking at a pizza I don't really need only to find I've eaten the entire thing and still feel... eh.

It's hard to lift, and exercise, when you don't really see the point.

It's hard to work when you just want to go home.

It's hard to go home when the house is empty.

It's been a rough few months but things are slowly moving forward. I've completed nearly all of my side work. Which is a huge blessing. I've begun to think long and hard about priorities. Which is an interesting activity if you've never done it.

I'm trying to get used to the idea that there are only so many hours, and only so many things I can accomplish in those hours. If this is what growing up feels like, it sucks.

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