I Have a Desire.

I have an aversion to being bored, to sitting idle. Even when the thought of coming home, and wasting an evening, seems like the best idea I could have I know full well it won't last. I keep wanting to learn, keep wanting to push. I used to believe I wanted the recognition, the medals and the certificates, the plaques and accolades but the older I get I know something with increasing clarity. I just want to DO something. I want to look back on my life and like what I see. I want to have stories to tell my grand kids. I want to sit in my old age and recount stories of glories tied to every ache and pain. I want to sit and know I lived. I want to fight, and even if I did not win know I fought. I want to learn everything I can, do anything I can. I want to simply live, and live simply. If I can. I do not yet know what all I will end up doing but I've decided to do something.

Even if it makes no sense.

Feeling Strangely Fine

I got paid last Friday.

My first real paycheck. It covers bills, wedding expenses and spending money with a little left over for savings. It's a good feeling, but it's not just the money, or I should say it's not just the money that's making me feel good. I feel as though a weight has been lifted. I don't worry anywhere near as much as I did, I don't find myself worrying about money, or worrying about gas, or wondering if I'm going to make it to Friday. I'm not exactly rich, but I'm doing well, I have one paycheck to spend on the Missus birthday and one to spend on Christmas. Not the whole paycheck mind you, but a portion thereof.

It's a good feeling.